Over a 100 of the Funniest Christmas Jokes

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Over a 100 of the best Christmas Jokes | Christmas Songs and Carols

All the best Christmas jokes and maybe the worst!? Here are over 100 Christmas jokes great for Christmas Crackers and Christmas parties. We've got Santa jokes, Christmas tree Jokes, Snowman Jokes and more. Thanks for sharing and keep them coming!

The Most Hilarious Christmas Jokes:

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had nobody to go with.

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince-spy.

What do you call a dog who works for Santa?

Santa Paws!

The only Christmas present that I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.

Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer? 
Spruce Springsteen.

Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.

What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas song?
Jungle Bells.

What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack.

What does Santa use to bake cakes?
Elf raising flour.

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Sant Applause.

How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life.

How is the alphabet different on Christmas than any other day?
On Christmas day it has Noel.

What do you call an elf that sings?
A wrapper.

Why does Santa have three gardens? 
So he can 'ho ho ho.'

What could you call an elf who has just won the lottery?

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa Claus?
A rebel without a Claus.

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson.

What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws.

Who delivers presents to cats?
Santa Paws.

What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Snow flakes.

Why is everyone so thirsty at the North Pole?
No-well, no-well.

Where does Santa stay when he is on holiday?
At a Ho-Ho-Ho-tel.

Who says oh, oh oh?
Santa walking backwards.

What do get if you cross Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues.

What is a dog's favorite carol?
Bark, The Herald Angels Sing

Which of Santa's reindeers have to mind their manners the most?

What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!

What do you call Santa when he's on a morning tea break?
Santa Pause.

What did the sea Say to Santa?
Nothing. It just waved.

What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm.

How you can tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker.

What do angry mice send each other?
Cross Mouse Cards.

What type of car do elves drive?

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws

What is every parent's favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
Santa going through a revolving door.

What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump?
Santa laughing his head off.

What is Santa's favorite place to deliver presents?

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it 'soots' him.

Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
Because he is a fun-gi to be with.

What's Santa's favorite type of music?

What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses.

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet.

What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf.

Where does Santa go when he's sick?
To the elf center.

What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
Saint Nickel-less.

Why is Santa so good at karate?
Because he has a black belt!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on e Bay?
They were two deer.

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?

Where do elves go to dance?
Christmas Balls.

What's red, white and blue on Christmas?
A sad candy cane.

What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
Get out of my face.

What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A pony sleigh station.

What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?
An elfcicle.

If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an elf get?

What kind of cars do elves like to drive?
A Toy-ota.

Who is the king of Santa's rock and roll helpers?
Elfis! "Thank you, thank you very much!"

What did Santa say to Mrs Claus when he looked out the window?
It looks like rain deer.

What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye deer.

What do you call a blind dead reindeer?
Still no eye deer.

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle.

Who is Santa Claus married to?
Mary Christmas.

What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree and an I-Pad?
A pine-apple.

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?

Who is the Music Elf's favorite reindeer?

What do elves post on Social Media?

Which of Santa’s reindeers have to mind their manners most?

What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?
Game of Thrones.

What do you get when you cross a deer with rain?
A reindeer.

What do you give a dog for Christmas?
A mobile bone.

Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee?

What's worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush.

Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught.

What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears?
Anything you want, he can't hear you.

What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled.

Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Why did Santa bring 22 reindeer to Walmart?
Because what he wanted to buy cost around 20 bucks, but just in case it was more, he brought some extra doe.

How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle

What do snowmen eat for lunch?

How much did Santa's sleigh cost?
Nothing - it was on the house.

What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.

What did one snowman say to the other?
I couldn't hear them, so I have snow-idea.

What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?

What happened when the snow girl fell out with the snow boy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.

Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh?
Because he wanted to see time fly!

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles.

What do fish sing at Christmas time?
Christmas Corals.

What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
Quit hanging around.

What is a Christmas Tree's favorite candy?

Why wouldn't the cat climb the Christmas tree?
It was afraid of the bark.

Why didn't the rope get any Christmas presents?
It was knotty.

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.

How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter 'Y'

What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful.

What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards.

Why do cats take so long to wrap presents?
They want them to be purr-fect.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad.

What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas?

What happened to the man who stole an Ad-vent Calendar?
He got 25 days.

What's green, covered in tinsel and goes 'ribbet ribbet'?
A Mistle-toad.

What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!

What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
A pineapple.

Where does Mistletoe go to become famous?
"Holly" wood.

What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells.

Where would you find chili beans?
At the north pole.

What type of key do you need for a Nativity play?
A don-key.

What did one Angel say to the other?
Halo there.

Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because there's wrapping.

Want more laughs? Check out our top 31 Christmas and Holiday Memes

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